can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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