so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
