member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
