finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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