I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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