So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
