Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You dont lie about slip and slides
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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