no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
