somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
