I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
