If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
