9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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