i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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