I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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