Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
