I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
