Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
