I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize