Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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