I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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