In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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