oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
