just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
