Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I deserve this hangover.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize