Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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