I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
