Your face is a jimmy john
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
