Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I want a musical about memes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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