My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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