you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We left an ass print on the piano.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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