I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
