Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
