My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
