All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
