My nipple is on Facebook.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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