Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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