1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bring me that man meat
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
