Pants 0. Shit 1.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
