Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
