but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
