There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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