please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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