As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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