btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
