The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
