I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
