At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
