I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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