i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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