Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
