Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize