I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
