today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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