Someone shit on the floor
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
