Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
