i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
