Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
