last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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