There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
