I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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