please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
