And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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