How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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